Go Big or Go Home

“Don’t downgrade yourself today. You don’t know who you will be tomorrow.”

— Dr. Stacia Pierce

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending the #ThinkBigSuccessTour. I've had so many people come up to me and ask me, "So how was it?" Simply put...it was amazing. If you're anything like me, you're constantly on the search for that thing that will motivate you to do what you know you're supposed to be doing, but for whatever reason, you're still just sitting around playing games with yourself. Well, I got a ton of motivation and some pretty straight-forward truths about why I'm standing in my own way.

Here are a few quotables from Dr. Stacia:

1. "Don't downgrade yourself today, because you don't know what you will be tomorrow." - Have you ever wanted to do something really amazing, or step all the way out of your comfort zone but then you think..."who the hell do I think I am? I can't do that." I know you have, because I have too. We all do it from time to time. This quote reminded me to always be ready. Talk as if you're already addressing millions of people. Dress as if you're headed to the interview. Carry yourself as if you're already somebody...because you are.

2. "For your purpose, there are always partners." - Everybody can't go with you. Stop getting mad at people for not supporting you, not believing in you, and not understanding your vision. It's not for them. It's for you. And there are purpose partners out there who will grow with you, learn with you, and hold you accountable. You just haven't found them yet. Until you find them, stop trying to force your purpose down the throats of everyone you meet.

 3. "People say you're living beyond your means, well live UP to your means!" - Stop saying that having money doesn't matter. It does matter. Having money or having aspirations to have more does not make you less spiritual. I often hear people say, I'm just grateful for what I got. Being grateful and humble is something that we should be whether we're rich or poor. I know a whole bunch of ungrateful broke people. Don't get it confused. I'm grateful for what I have, and my heart is full, but that doesn't mean that I have to sit on my talents/dreams in fear of having more. 

I boarded the plane back to Mississippi with so much inspiration and fire circling in my belly. We have one life, and we can continue to sit on the sidelines and watch all the other people play BIG, or we can go home. I came to play. I didn't put on this uniform (purpose), do all this practicing (school/life experiences), and get banged up for nothing (hurdles/setbacks). Put me in the game Coach (God)...I'm ready. 

Many Thanks!

This is 30 was released on January 13, 2017. I am running over with gratitude. I appreciate every like, every share, every comment, and every purchase. Since the release, I wake up everyday to a woman tagging me or texting me, to share how special this book is to them. My inboxes are full of, "Girl, I am Lisa!" moments. 

I have been writing privately for so long, it feels so good to finally be transparent and vulnerable. Thank you for confirming that my walk is purposeful and my voice is heard.

Gratefully Yours

C

Magician Anyone?

I have met so many women who are masters at playing the "waiting game". They are forever waiting on something to happen. Not only are they waiting, they are using their bibles to enable their lack of motivation and drive. Growing up, we were taught to place unprecedented importance on anything dealing with our religion. Well, times-a-changing and so are people's credibility. I can't deal.

Are you waiting on God...or a magician?

Scenario 1- I've been waiting on Mr. Right for over five years now. My routine includes going to work and home each day...I don't have time to be busy with the devils entertainment. I'm a faithful Christian. I'm at church every Sunday and twice during the week.

Okay, so you don't put yourself out there to meet anyone new. If you haven't met anyone at church in five years, chances are you won't this year either. You're basically asking God to throw a man in front of your car...on the interstate...on your way home. Hmmm, God or Magician?

Scenario 2- You haven't invested the time or the work into accomplishing your career goals but you just KNOW God is going to work that right on out for you.

You basically want to sit in front of your TV every night watching Joseline and "Stebbie J" act a fool, refuse to focus on the things you should be doing...yet still wait on God Almighty to pass that test you haven't studied for, or pull off that job promotion you haven't earned.

Scenario 3- Simply put...."I'm praying about it."

Whether it's to win, lose or draw...you're praying. That's all good. We're all praying, but some of us are actually using the talents and good sense God gave us to make things happen...while we pray.

Basically, if your actions don't match your words, I will continually and un-apologetically give you the side eye. You can throw out any of the following words (Pray, God, Hallelujah, Jesus, etc) and I promise you I will still be unmoved. If you were to learn how to make fairy dust appear while you are talking, I might let out a gasp...but that's about it.

Let's use the teachings of the bible to better our lives. Let us not use the teachings, nor the terms, as a persuasive device to mask our own personal fears and shortcomings. I'm convinced that God is waiting to give us what we desire, but we have to meet Him half way. Some things cannot be explained, and God has a way of intervening at just the right time. He's ready to flex His muscles, but we have to put ourselves in the position to be open and ready for those blessings. 

C. 

~Originally published August 9, 2012

The FAB Five

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

— Jim Rohn

I'm always baffled by women who gossip negatively about the women they spend the majority of their time with. To a person who hasn't been schooled on life and relationships (Yes, friendships are a form of relationships), it may seem like the gossiper is just keeping you in the loop of what's going on with someone else since they have a front row seat. However, to a mentally advanced person, the gossiper is just a reflection of the person they are talking about.

Before I ever read the quote posted above, life experiences and simple reflection taught me all I needed to know about hanging with the wrong crowd. To be clear, as a grown woman, hanging with the wrong crowd does not have the same connotation that it would for a teenager. When we were young, we heard this statement all too often from our parents. Most of the time, they were speaking about a group of adolescents who were headed nowhere fast, or just criminally negligent. Clearly I'm not hanging out with gang-bangers. The wrong crowd for me is anyone who prevents me from living in my purpose. Anyone who prevents me from being me. Now some of you may be thinking, no one should have that much influence over your life to keep you from being who you're meant to be. Well sure they can...in the most hidden way possible.

If you hang with women who are spending a large amount of time in the clubs and chasing men, what do you think you're going to be doing in your free time? In the clubs and/or chasing men. If you hang with women who have little to no ambition in life, where are you going to find your inspiration? If you hang with women who keep up a bunch of hell, guess what form of entertainment you will get accustomed to? 

I had this crazy peak in my career around 2010. I got introduced to things I didn't know, and I started spending my time with people I wouldn't normally gravitate to. My circle was basically women who were about twenty to thirty years older than I was. No, we weren't hitting up the bars after work. No, we weren't shopping in the same stores at the mall. We found other ways to connect. At that point in my life, I needed direction with my career and in my romantic relationship (Hello to dating an older man). During that time, I clung to women who knew more than I did. And let me tell you, it's made all the difference in where I am today. I credit my success in the consultant field to a few good women who laid it all out for me. They taught me what I needed to know. 

That doesn't discredit my friendships that I have with women my age. That doesn't mean that women my age don't have it together. It simply means, I had goals and ambitions, so I spent the majority of my time with people who could help me get there. Some were older, some were not. Age doesn't define my circle, I just enjoy being around like-minded people.I feel good when I've had an awesome conversation with a like-minded person. Haven't you ever felt that way? You just feel lighter around some people. You just feel more inspired and empowered around some people. Hell, you just feel like you can conquer the world around some people. If you haven't felt any of these things after hanging with your #FabFive, you're around the wrong people. Someone once told me, if you're the smartest person in your group...get out! How can you learn from people who don't know more than you do? And who wants to spend time with people who cannot pull their own weight? All relationships should be mutually beneficial. Do you have "friends" who are ALWAYS looking for someone to put them on? The only time you hear from these type of "friends" is when they need something from you. You must learn to cut these people from your circle, no explanation needed. They only serve as anchors in your life. 

When thinking about the five people I spend the majority of my time with, I make a point to include myself. Because I believe in giving myself just as much time as I give others, I have to make sure that I'm good for/to me. Most people don't look at it like that. They put most of the weight on their other five friendships or connections. I'm banking on me. That's why it's so important to be mentally and spiritually healthy. You may not even have a strong five people you spend time with, it may be a strong two or three. That's cool, quality over quantity darling. Just be sure that when you're measuring up someone else, you take an evaluation of the role you play in your life and in the lives of others because you may be included in someone else's #FabFive.

In closing, get those squares out your circle girl. 

C

#HUSHGIRL

When you are on the verge of greatness, it's natural to want to share your good news with everyone around you...right? I'm not talking about things that have already been accomplished, I'm talking about the "I'm about to..." news.

“I’m about to get my PH.D. I’m about to move to another state. I’m about to dump this zero. I’m about to level up...”

True enough, you may have every intention to do all the things you promote, but sometimes life happens and things fall through. Or, you could be one of these social celebrities posting things for likes and attention with no real intention of completing the things you've put out there. For the sake of exercising positive intent (a strategy I learned in Corporate America training), let's assume you really are trying to make these things happen.

About three or four years ago, I wrote this awesome little book. Someone advised me to use social media to pump up the anticipation for potential buyers. So I did. I shared bits and pieces of the cover, I even put out a tentative release date even though I hadn't got confirmation from the publisher. Then, I decided not to publish the book. I felt it needed more work, I wasn't pleased with the edits the editor made, and the whole process just turned into something that made me nervous and uneasy. I became insecure, but I already had soooooo many people congratulating me and anticipating the release (hides face and crawls under a big huge rock). 

That situation turned into one of many valuable lessons for me, espeically in the publishing world. Writing and publishing a book is a time consuming task. I enjoy writing when I can pace myself with realistic deadlines and I have time to enjoy the process. I can apply this to my life as a whole. If you know me, you know I am usually driven by deadlines and goals and a solid plan for where I want to go and where I want to be. I am learning to take life one day at a time. I am continually working towards my goals, but I am learning not to put unnecessary pressure on myself to meet some crazy deadline that I put in my own head. 

I think (using positive intent) we promote the things we are working on because we are looking for support from others. We all need a little push sometimes, and sometimes we think that over-sharing or putting it out there will help us stay motivated. 

I found some eye-opening information from an article written in 2009 (Derek Sivers), that can help us discern our intentions when it comes to announcing our plans before we accomplish them.

“People who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you’re less motivated to do the hard work needed.
Once you’ve told people of your intentions, it gives you a ‘premature sense of completeness’.
Since both actions and talk create symbols in your brain, talking satisfies the brain enough that it neglects the pursuit of further symbols.”

In closing, #hushgirl and move in silence.

C

Beautiful Nightmare

We live in a superficial society. Nowadays, having longer hair, a pointier nose, a slimmer belly, or a bigger butt is only a VISA swipe away. Back in my mama nem' days, if you weren't blessed with "good hair" or lighter skin (some people are still hung up on this) you weren't considered beautiful, maybe pretty at best.  

In the African American culture, it is so refreshing to see campaigns such as: My Black is Beautiful, Black Girls Rock, and Black Girl Magic embrace and celebrate the beauty and uniqueness of all African American women.  

Some seven or eight years ago, my friend girl and I owned and operated a very forward-thinking online magazine for all women. One month, we featured an article titled, "Pretty, Beautiful, Cute". The article basically defined stereotypes associated with being pretty, beautiful, or cute. We found that most people viewed women who are outwardly attractive as pretty or cute. Women who are appealing internally and externally are labeled as beautiful. In lamen terms, someone who resembles Halle Berry with an ugly personality would never be considered beautiful...according to the people we surveyed.  

That explanation brings us to the core of this post. What does it mean to be a "Beautiful Nightmare"? I would describe this type of woman as an attractive female physically. We each own our individual opinions of what attractive is, but by every sense of the word, this woman is easy on the eyes. However, she's either mean-spirited or just crazy as hell. There is nothing more unattractive (my opinion) than a woman who is constantly complaining, keeping up a bunch of drama, and just causing havoc to herself and those around her.  

This type of woman will never reach her full potential because she is always focused on negativity. She's a sight to see, but a pain to be around. As women, there are so many things that can knock us off our game emotionally. It's important as a #thirtysomething woman that we are mindful of our energy (the kind we receive and the kind we give off). Think of a woman who by societal standards wouldn't be classified as beautiful, yet her spirit is so electrifying that you find yourself immersed in her aura. Wouldn't you label her as beautiful? 

Let's all take the challenge to pamper, cleanse, contour and highlight our souls the way we do our external features. No matter what color you are, how old you are, or where you come from...having a beautiful soul will take you places that glam cannot. 

C

WILD X FREE

In celebration of the #firstdayofsummer, I thought it would be totally appropriate to discuss what it means to be wild and free...as a #thirtysomething woman. Someone coined the phrase, "Young, Wild and Free", but many would argue that true adventure has no age limit. In fact, the lack of adventure, fun and excitement can age us quicker than a drop of DNA from Benjamin Button.

This morning, I woke up extremely grateful for life and good health. I sat up in my bed and thanked the Summer gods that school is out and there is absolutely nothing that I have to do. There are no principals to meet with. There are no superintendents to impress. There are no teachers who are losing their minds over lazy student performance. There is absolutely nothing that required my attention in that moment. While meditating, I also took a trip down memory lane. Back in the day, we didn't have social media hashtags to remind us that it is the #firstdayofsummer. Actually, the #firstdayofsummer for us was when the last bell sounded at school. It did not matter if our parents had enough dough to scurry us off to foreign excursions. It did not matter if we got a chance to visit Minnie and Mickey at the "Happiest Place on Earth". All that mattered was that we had two whole months to create adventure.

As adults, our zest for adventure is replaced with routine and responsibility. Sure, there's this bangin' lounge downtown open for the taking at any given night. Of course there's always dinner and a movie. I'm not speaking of the typical social opportunity. I'm talking about that adrenaline rush you felt when you first took your hands off the handle-bars, while speeding down a steep hill. I'm talking about the wonder twinkling in your eyes while viewing a flock of fireflies illuminate a nearby field. I'm talking about dancing the night away under the stars, even though you are already three hours past your curfew. You know, the kinda stuff that make you feel alive.

So how do we reinvent those moments as #thirtysomething women? We do have a two thousand square foot home to clean. We do have a baby to nurse or children to nurture. We do have a husband to attend to. We do have a career to maintain. For me, the key is mapping out my day and sticking to my time management schedule. I break my week down by daily "to-dos". No matter how many deadlines I have approaching, I always, always make a point to add a little spice to my life. I just can't stomach the thought that I was born to go to work, take care of people, pay bills, and get ready to die. Seriously, you have to make time for yourself.

Here are some things that you can add to your summer calendar to help get your adventure wheels spinning. Some are budget conscious and some aren't. Find things that appeal to your personality, your finances, and your level of interest.

1. Travel somewhere you don't know the language. Talk about being out of your comfort zone! How exciting would it be to tour a strange land with strange people and totally rely on adaptation?

2. Date someone who isn't your type. Okay this is for the single ladies. Since you keep dating the same type of dude, I'm sure you've picked up on similar characteristics with these men. One thing is for sure, a new guy with a new personality is sure to introduce you to that "new new".

3. Plan an all-girls road trip using a real map. Think Gayle and Oprah's cross country adventure episode. The maps on the phones are great, but then you risk scrolling through social media instead of engaging with your girls. Make a point to just enjoy the trip without the headache of getting to the destination at a certain time.

4. Attend a music festival. I'm not talking about an indoor concert, I'm talking about a bring your cooler, your sundress, and your flip-flops for an all-day and all-night jam session.

5. Join a club. I'm a book junkie so joining a book club would just set my soul on fire. If you're not into that sorta thing, join a social club or bike club or fashion club. The purpose is to meet new people and indulge in new things.

6. Run a marathon. I participated in my first 5K in 2015. I cannot fully describe the amount of pride I felt crossing that finish line. Was I first? Hell no. I probably was in the triple digits but my goal was to train well, have a good time, and push myself past my breaking point.

7. Take a cooking class. Maybe your life is so hectic that you truly don't have time to do anything outside of your domestic responsibilities...that's another blog post. For now, I'll just go with it. Why not try attending a cooking class? I'm sure your family will appreciate the effort and good eats.

8. Have a Throwback Thursday moment. Go skating. Go bowling. Go dancing. Do anything that you once enjoyed before life happened.

It's cool to be smart, successful, and financially stable. But never forget, everybody loves a fun girl:)

C

#MOOD

Have you ever been in the best mood and then someone or something just zaps the happy feelings right out of your soul? Raises hand. I've been in this situation a million times throughout my life. When I was younger, I thought this is just what happens and it was completely normal to base my day off what was going on in my life. I mean, what else should you base your day off of? I continued to suffer until I realized that I have 100% control over the way I feel. I must admit, it's definitely easier said than done. Controlling your emotions take a ton of self-awareness and a whole lotta discipline. 

Before I move forward, I would like to point out a common misconception about controlling emotions. Feelings are feelings, and they present themselves based on what's going on in your life. It's perfectly okay to acknowledge that a person or situation is causing you to feel a certain kind-of way. Feelings are natural. That has nothing to do with not being able to control your emotions. What's not natural is allowing those feelings to totally take you out of character, ruin your day, or having you act like an emotionally unstable train-wreck.

If you're anything like me, the people/things that I care about most can have me smiling from ear-to-ear, or cursing like a sailor in 2.2 seconds flat. What can I say? Just call me passionate. I can remember getting so upset with a boyfriend one time that I drove three hours home at two in the morning. Talk about a complete dramatic meltdown. Was that the safest or smartest thing to do? Hell no, that was complete bat shit crazy behavior. I don't know if I was even that angry or if I was just trying to get attention. Whatever the case, I should have found an isolated space and cooled off before hitting the highway. 

In 2013, the Huffington Post shared six steps to take when trying to control your emotions. I have found these helpful over the years. There's a ton of information out there about this sorta thing. I read a book by Joyce Meyers a few years ago that was pretty insightful, Living Beyond Your Feelings. If you find yourself constantly giving others power over your life (because when they control your emotions, they control you) you may want to try these six steps or research other ways to get control.

The Huffington Post suggests doing the following:

1. Don't react right away. Girl, step away from that iPhone...even if you have to hide it from yourself for 24 hours. You will definitely regret sending a book of emotional text messages the next morning. (Hides face)

2. Ask for divine guidance. Sounds corny? I don't mean that you have to burst into a church like Suge Avery to call on the Lord, but you can send up a silent prayer or find a space where you can meditate.

3. Find a healthy outlet. If you're not already a gym rat or find exercise as an important component of life, hitting a treadmill after someone has pissed you off will probably piss you off even more. You can find other ways to do an emotional detox. Journaling, walking (casually), window shopping, coloring, getting a mani/pedi are all alternatives. Whatever floats your boat.

4. See the bigger picture. Okay your co-worker threw you under the bus. Sure you'd like to slit all four of her tires, but is that really necessary? You still have a job. You still have a great life. And you're still the person that she aspires to be. Think bigger. Think logically.

5. Replace your thoughts. You can choose to think about something else. We tend to harp on the negative, but it's just as easy to focus on a positive thought than it is to focus on a negative one.

6. Forgive your emotional triggers. A person or situation can't get to you unless you allow it to. Erase the toxic feelings that you've buried about the person/situation and move on. They may be an asshole, but you are the one that's keeping the energy alive. Let go and let God. Seriously.

C

Metamorphosis

The cycle of growth for women can be a roller-coaster ride full of happiness, heartbreak, never-ending accomplishments, and self-discovery. In the end, no matter what kind of path a woman has been on, the journey to self-love is worth every gain, every risk and every setback.

I'm That B*TCH

Picture this. A thirty-something year old woman, dressed casually sleek in a crisp white button-up and raggedy jeans. Her gold plated Cartier LOVE bracelet glistens in the morning light as she sips on a chilled Mimosa. She crosses her legs and there’s a hint of red under the soles of her chocolate loafers. Her hair is swept into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, and her face is fresh with just a touch of blush. She’s busy peering through her tortoise shell Prada frames as she daintily types on her MacBook Pro.

Yeah, you can tell just by her appearance that this chic has got it going on.

But the real question is, what makes her “that b*tch?” Is it because she’s a label whore with a thirsty appetite for the finer things in life, or is it her unwavering relaxed personality and ability to always view life from a positive perspective? I guess it depends on whom you ask. It seems as though the younger generation associates labels/things with success, while the older generation view success as something totally different.  Something more abstract and less concrete.

You won’t find this woman bragging about her salary, or her international excursions, or her S63 AMG, or her four thousand square foot home. Nah, those are not the things that get her blood boiling. You will hear her discuss humanitarian efforts that need addressing in her community and various mentorship opportunities she’s had. You may even hear her gush over a new love, or the wild nights she’s had with friends. She’ll talk endlessly about her career and her goals, and all the other things that evoke pure passion and heart. But you’ll never hear her mention her things, or compare herself to a woman less fortunate.

That’s what makes her that b*tch… in my opinion.

As women, we are the stewards of our families and our communities. It is so important for us to instill passion and fire and soul in the younger generation. It has taken a lot of us a long time to find ourselves. Why not create a shortcut for someone else? There will always be a new hot car to buy. There will always be a pair of badass shoes that we can or cannot afford. There will always be a piece of expensive jewelry to show off. But what about the other stuff? What about all the young women who grow up with no vision, and no purpose? We can no longer depend on the media to deliver the message that our girls so desperately need. Success is not easy and it’s not quick, and self-worth is not valued by possessions…but so many of our young women think that it is. 

It’s our responsibility to change the perception, to redefine what it means to have it going on.  A movement is what’s needed. And I don’t mean that we have to rent out a conference space and give this grand dialogue to one thousand teens, it can be as simple as watching what type of message we put out into the world. If we all become aware of our messages, we will indeed create a shift one girl at a time. That’s a real movement. 

We can all be that b*tch, but for so many reasons other than the obvious.

C

Thumbs Up!

Let me start this post by stating that I love the power of social media. There, I said it. I love it. I really do. Although many have flocked away from Twitter, I still enjoy the benefit of capturing a thought in less than one hundred and forty characters. I am a visual learner and have a love for beautiful photography; therefore, Instagram is currently my top runner. While Facebook continues to surge and dominate most of our time, it’s actually my least favorite social media platform. I can’t even speak on Snapchat because it wasn’t as user friendly as I hoped it would be.

I’m guilty of waking up in the morning and grabbing my phone to post some sort of inspirational quote/image. I’m also guilty of taking time to thumb through my timeline to see what’s going on in the cyber universe.  On Twitter, I’m searching for some sort of motivating tweet that will help me shape my day. On Instagram, I’m taking a moment to be purposeful and inspirational, but I’m also catching up on the latest shade/celebrity news from users like @theshaderoom and @balleralert. (#DontJudgeMe) I seriously don’t know why I waste my time on Facebook.  I can’t tell you how many times I have deleted my account. Most of the posts on Facebook are negative, or dramatically written, or just plain stupid. My brain can’t figure out why people post selfies or have inappropriate dialogue every single day (at their place of employment) or share fight videos…or give us a play by play of every single minute of their day (rolls eyes). 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with indulging in some form of entertainment from these social apps, but I also think that we need to possess the ability to check ourselves when we notice that we are spending too much time “thumbing”. Many people use social media as a way to promote their hustles and businesses, so those people will probably spend a large amount of their day logged in, unless they have the capital to pay a Social Media Manager.  And let’s be honest, not a lot of start-ups are spending their coins on a position they feel they can manage themselves, so this post isn’t about them. There would need to be a different post on mixing personal and business posts, as well as investing in content apps that can help professionalize their pages (Yep, you shouldn’t ask me to pay $80.00 for a dress from an infographic that has Tweegram written in red…not a good look).

If you find yourself wasting a considerable amount of time just “thumbing”, here are four easy tips to help you get control of your social media addiction.

Sidebar: I’m not even going to start with the lurkers. You know, the people who never post anything but can tell you all about the latest gossip/posts on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. If this is you, you’re just nosey. No shade, just truth.

1.     Delete time-consuming social media apps from your smartphone. This will keep you from picking up your device at stoplights, or when you should be busy being present and productive at your job or with loved ones. You can still log on at the end of the day from your desktop/laptop when all of your daily tasks have been completed. When apps are downloaded onto your phone, it’s super easy to passively click on an icon and waste valuable time idly going down your timelines when you can be doing something else a little more productive.

2.     Remove “friends” that you don’t really know. Facebook doesn’t update chronologically, which means you spend a massive amount of time scrolling through updates that you don’t really care about. When you limit your friend list, you will only see updates from people you are interested in. The goal isn’t to have a thousand friends; it’s to have genuine connections and follow people/pages that appeal to what you’re into.

3.     If totally deleting the apps from your phone isn’t an option due to a limitation of devices, limit auto-log-ins. This means that you can set your accounts to settings that require you to input your username and password each time you attempt to login. This simple trick will give you a minute to determine if you really have time to thumb through your accounts. If nothing else, you’ll get so aggravated with constantly inputting the same information, you’ll just say screw it.

4.     If all else fails and you have an important deadline approaching, temporarily delete your accounts.  Make a mental note not to reactivate your accounts until your tasks are complete. 

C

Alone Time

Solitude is the state or situation of being alone. Alone is the state of isolation. Unfortunately, we live in an age where entertainment is often at the forefront of everyone's daily agenda. Most people confuse alone with being lonely, when there is a massive difference between the two.

In my high school, college, and late twenties, I needed to be around a lot of people. I absolutely despised being by myself. For one, I had no idea what I would do by myself for an entire day. Going to the movies or out to eat alone was out of the question, and sitting home watching television was like watching paint dry.

But boy oh boy things dramatically changed when I got a little growth, maturity and self-awareness under my belt. I was living in Atlanta, the most entertaining city in the South. I didn't have any friends or family to call on, it was just me and this big ole' city to explore. These were the days before iPhone maps. It was just me, a printed copy of directions from MapQuest, and my white drop-top Mustang. I learned how to feel comfortable sitting at a table in a busy restaurant without feeling lonely. I learned how to enjoy being in the moment (by my damn self) without wondering if everyone was staring at me, wondering why I was all dressed up with no one to socialize with.

Alone time. I relish in it. Don't get me wrong, I love a night out with my man and girlfriends just like the next person. I enjoy being around people with great energy. But there's something magical about driving to the beach and watching the scenery in silence. There's something refreshing about slowly devouring a juicy T-Bone steak without having to talk in-between bites. There's something harmonious about sitting on my back porch, listening to the birds chirp and the wind whisper, while penning a blog or collection of thoughts. 

Summer is rapidly approaching. While there may be a need to plan sunny get-a-ways with your friends and loved ones, I challenge you to carve out some alone time. A time when it's just you, your thoughts, and whatever space you choose to visit. You don't have to be a poet, writing some masterpiece. You don't have to be an artist, painting your ass off. All you have to do is be present in the moment you have created. I promise, there's nothing like it. It's almost like a reset button. If I'm stressed, or agitated, or angry, or sad...going to see a good chick flick (alone) in the middle of the day will put me right where I need to be. 

Being alone doesn't mean you are lonely. Being alone is a place where grown folks frequent. It's a place where the purpose-filled souls live. It's a place where you can drown out the noise and focus on you. It's a place where God speaks, and it's a place where I can hear Him.

C

The Business Budget

I was talking to a good friend this morning and I sorta had an "Ah-ha" moment. We were discussing our goals and immediate plans for the future. We talked about the things that we have in works right now, and the things that have been put on hold. She said something that resonated real, real deep...

"I have some things that I want to accomplish for my business, I just have to wait until I can afford to use money out my check to pay for it."

Man. How many times over the years have I had that same thought process? I would view website design, logo design, marketing costs, and every other entrepreneurial expense as barriers and roadblocks to my dreams. Most of the time I used them as excuses. It never registered that I found money to buy all the things I didn't really need, while I continued to make excuses for why I couldn't afford to fund my business ideas. 

That's until I learned the power of the "business budget". The same way you save money for that long over-due vacation, or those way-too-high shoes that you must have...you have to save for your business in that same way. Now you may want to completely remove things like shoes from your budget, but to each its' own. I write down all the things that I will need for my business idea. The next step is actually pricing how much each item costs. Then I set a timeline for getting it done, while putting money back to afford those things.

It's a huge misconception on social media that the "9-5'ers" should just quit their day job and follow their dreams...at any cost. This is true as it relates to your mindset, but I wouldn't advise totally skipping out on all your responsibilities, that's easier said than done. Save your coins, and stick to that budget. You'll be ready in no time.

C

Count Your Blessings and Your Biscuits...

January was the longest Monday in history! I literally woke up on January 1st to news that my very vibrant, hardly ever sick, grandmother had suffered three major seizures, which resulted in two strokes on both sides of her brain. The doctors said, she'll never see again. They said that she would need a feeding tube in her stomach...permanently. My family and I leaned on each other, and tried to figure out the best course of action. We moved her to a long care facility in hopes that extensive rehabilitation would make a difference. Today, grandma is home, giving orders, and asking about her Coach tennis shoes. She's back. Just as sassy, jazzy, and bossy as ever. Miracle? Maybe. God? Definitely. 

During the time my grandmother was unconscious, in a very sedated state, so many thoughts and emotions bombarded my mind. Will I live in a world where my maternal grandmother and grandfather are gone? What will Sunday dinner look like? Will my family drift apart? Who's gonna hold it down? 

If you are a woman in your thirties, you're probably already burning up the kitchen every Sunday afternoon. I kinda got a late start. There are some things I do well, and there are some things that I wouldn't dare try to cook unless I am the ONLY taste tester in sight. Just being real. My grandmother is constantly asking me to write down her special recipes...for years. Before, cooking wasn't such a high priority so I didn't see the need to take hours out of my busy day to write down endless instructions for German Chocolate cakes and homemade biscuits. All that changed on January 1st. Not because I would no longer be able to delight in the tastiness of those scrumptious recipes. It kinda felt like those recipes were apart of my memory, my history with my grandmother. All those lazy summer days of licking the cake bowl, playing in coconut layers, buttering biscuits, and tasting teacakes. There would be nothing to pass down. I even asked my Aunts if they had the recipes and they hadn't bothered to get them either. 

Needless to say, as soon as she's settled and rested, I will be visiting with pencil and paper in hand. My grandmother expresses love through her confections. It is important to her. It took almost losing her for me to measure just how important those things are to me. 

C

The Good Jar

January 1st, start with an empty jar. Throughout the year, write down all the good things (big or small) that happened to you on a piece of paper. On December 31, 2016, open the jar and read about all the amazing things that happened to you in 2016. At times, we tend to forget about the small acts of kindness that caused our soul to smile. Often times, we're too busy complaining about all the things that are going wrong. It's important to take time out of your busy schedule to acknowledge and show gratitude for all of those good things.

By all means use this idea to gauge your gratitude meter, but don't stop there. If you're running a small business, start a jar for your employees. They will appreciate you taking out the time to recognize their achievements. Not an entrepreneur...no problem! You can still create a jar for the workplace. It may help you find appreciation for a job you weren't so sure about. 

I went out and purchased the largest jar I could find at Hobby Lobby. I don't know about you, but I'm praying for a lot of good things. 

C