I'm always baffled by women who gossip negatively about the women they spend the majority of their time with. To a person who hasn't been schooled on life and relationships (Yes, friendships are a form of relationships), it may seem like the gossiper is just keeping you in the loop of what's going on with someone else since they have a front row seat. However, to a mentally advanced person, the gossiper is just a reflection of the person they are talking about.
Before I ever read the quote posted above, life experiences and simple reflection taught me all I needed to know about hanging with the wrong crowd. To be clear, as a grown woman, hanging with the wrong crowd does not have the same connotation that it would for a teenager. When we were young, we heard this statement all too often from our parents. Most of the time, they were speaking about a group of adolescents who were headed nowhere fast, or just criminally negligent. Clearly I'm not hanging out with gang-bangers. The wrong crowd for me is anyone who prevents me from living in my purpose. Anyone who prevents me from being me. Now some of you may be thinking, no one should have that much influence over your life to keep you from being who you're meant to be. Well sure they can...in the most hidden way possible.
If you hang with women who are spending a large amount of time in the clubs and chasing men, what do you think you're going to be doing in your free time? In the clubs and/or chasing men. If you hang with women who have little to no ambition in life, where are you going to find your inspiration? If you hang with women who keep up a bunch of hell, guess what form of entertainment you will get accustomed to?
I had this crazy peak in my career around 2010. I got introduced to things I didn't know, and I started spending my time with people I wouldn't normally gravitate to. My circle was basically women who were about twenty to thirty years older than I was. No, we weren't hitting up the bars after work. No, we weren't shopping in the same stores at the mall. We found other ways to connect. At that point in my life, I needed direction with my career and in my romantic relationship (Hello to dating an older man). During that time, I clung to women who knew more than I did. And let me tell you, it's made all the difference in where I am today. I credit my success in the consultant field to a few good women who laid it all out for me. They taught me what I needed to know.
That doesn't discredit my friendships that I have with women my age. That doesn't mean that women my age don't have it together. It simply means, I had goals and ambitions, so I spent the majority of my time with people who could help me get there. Some were older, some were not. Age doesn't define my circle, I just enjoy being around like-minded people.I feel good when I've had an awesome conversation with a like-minded person. Haven't you ever felt that way? You just feel lighter around some people. You just feel more inspired and empowered around some people. Hell, you just feel like you can conquer the world around some people. If you haven't felt any of these things after hanging with your #FabFive, you're around the wrong people. Someone once told me, if you're the smartest person in your group...get out! How can you learn from people who don't know more than you do? And who wants to spend time with people who cannot pull their own weight? All relationships should be mutually beneficial. Do you have "friends" who are ALWAYS looking for someone to put them on? The only time you hear from these type of "friends" is when they need something from you. You must learn to cut these people from your circle, no explanation needed. They only serve as anchors in your life.
When thinking about the five people I spend the majority of my time with, I make a point to include myself. Because I believe in giving myself just as much time as I give others, I have to make sure that I'm good for/to me. Most people don't look at it like that. They put most of the weight on their other five friendships or connections. I'm banking on me. That's why it's so important to be mentally and spiritually healthy. You may not even have a strong five people you spend time with, it may be a strong two or three. That's cool, quality over quantity darling. Just be sure that when you're measuring up someone else, you take an evaluation of the role you play in your life and in the lives of others because you may be included in someone else's #FabFive.
In closing, get those squares out your circle girl.